The good things list... Summer

1. Starbucks Venti Iced Coffee... with free refills
2. Hammocks
3. Town pools
4. Company softball games
5. Friends who get you... and know what you need and don't let you get away with your old tricks
6. Target $12 sundresses
7. Flip flops
8. Having a smile that can make other people smile
9. Old old old friends finding you on Facebook
10. being able to see the stars from my backyard
11. Being able to see the past in a new light
12. 
    

Being present

Okay so I haven't posted in a while. I guess summer days are so beautiful, I don't want to spend them inside on a computer. And I have been ... happy. Good. Content lately. So not so much to say I guess. Except grateful. A friend of mine gave me an interesting book to read. Called The New World or something. It's a spiritual book. It talks about how the only road to happiness is being present. And also talks about how the ego gets in the way of that. I've been wrestling with that a bit. It's hard to not have an ego. We all do. I guess we never really get away from that. But the key, which he advocates, is acceptance. It's like a zen paradox... the striving to be happy just creates unhappiness. Just be. Here. Now. Accept what is happening. Here. Now. Then, you aren't fighting the moment. And then, you can remove the blocks to happiness. You can make your peace with the present. I think I'm getting better at that. Of course, that got put to the test at the DMV yesterday and so, guess what? I'm not totally there. My ego had a fit when this dude jumped the line. So did everyone else's ego. So the DMV COLLECTIVE ego was not pleased. I can actually find that funny now. Yesterday, not so much. But the good news is I'm all sorted out now, and it was really pretty good, in and out in about 45 min. And I'm a solid citizen now... with all my papers in order. :-)

Goddess to Goddess

Greetings great Goddess of the north :-) Goddess of the sea here... settling into my new little seashell. Phew! What a storm of activity. The mortals have honored me well with their help. I am well loved. And well moved. Well almost. Still have to have to clean the old place Organize the new place, unpack all my sacred and not so sacred belongings. Gosh I have a lot of stuff. I need to streamline, lighten up and let go of all those things that no longer serve. (no longer serve the goddess!) hahaha 

Loved your message, got it kind of late so I will call back today. Happiness is a tangerine wall. Happiness is mom coming down with spice muffins. Happiness is wireless connection just "working". Actually I need some help with my email, that part is not "just working". Happiness is a coffee maker and a spoon. I'm still sleepy. Gotta get some goddess energy going.

Good things on an idle Thursday

1. That new song that just totally "catches" you
   
2. That old song that brings that smile and those good memories and makes you feel like you're 17 again
   
3. The Dali Lama, because he just rocks
   
4. Clever Home Depot gadgets
   
5. Roommates who work out a lot and then walk around the apartment shirtless (yes it's good to be me)
6. Not having to do everything today
7. Ionic hairdryers
8. People thinking I'm 27 :-)
9. The head of the office asking me to lunch to brainstorm creative ideas
10. Having a head of office who is totally cool and actively trying to turn our office into a "hot spot" 
11. A great impromtu conversation in a parking lot with a co-worker I always liked but don't know very well
12. Free Starbucks refills with the new Starbucks card
13. LL Cool J
14. Discovering a "Thank You" board in the hallway at work with post-it notes all over it
15. Daydreaming about the ideal summer party

Issues vs. Attraction

Last week, a cute guy at Starbucks chatted me up, I gave him my number and he called me. We went out last Thursday night, had a few drinks, had a great time. Last night, we went to the movies. I really wasn't into him at all, my attraction for him was gone. So what exactly happened?

Attraction. Well, Monday when I met him he was wearing a baggy shirt, he'd been golfing in the rain so his hair was kind of tousled. Looked good. When I met him Thursday, he was wearing a nice dress shirt. His hair was gelled, didn't love it but went with it. Last night he was wearing a tight black t-shirt and his hair was gelled... and I thought, oh... Tony Soprano, guido, he's got a serious beer belly going on there. Maybe that's shallow but I've never really been one for beefy guys. The other thing that could be happening is that when we were out Thursday night, we had a few drinks. We got touchy a bit feely, kissed, hugged, etc.  When he came over last night, we kissed hello, then went to my computer to choose a movie. He sat down in my office chair and immediately tried to pull me into his lap. My computer is in my bedroom. I didn't feel comfortable with this so I stood up. Perhaps it was moving a bit fast for me. Or perhaps I didn't want to sit in his lap because I didn't feel attracted to him. We went to the movies, but my head wasn't really into the date. I'm in the process of moving, painting all weekend, etc. It had been a really busy weekend. Was I just out of people juice? And this guy was invading my space? Hmmm. 

Issues. Is my sudden lack of interest in this guy about attraction, or is it related to my issues? He seems into me, does that scare me? I want to be close to a man. I want a boyfriend in my life. I haven't had a serious "real" relationship in about 5 years.  Actually going on 6. Those who know me know what went down 6 years ago. Emotional trauma. I've been trying to move past it ever since. But every time a dating scenario doesn't work out, I can't help but wonder. Is this my brokenness at work again? Is something on some interior level just shutting down? Or am I making too much of it and it's just my gemini nature at work... perhaps I was flattered about being asked out when I wasn't expecting it, and riding that "ego high" and then last night I finally took a look at the guy and went, nope not for me? How does one ever know for sure if it's a case of one's own fear, issues, or just a case of the classic "she's just not that into you?"

Weekend Good Things

Good sounds

1. Chirping birds outside my window
2. The soft rustle of the wind
3. The silence of the alarm clock on saturday morning
4. Jorge milling about the house, chatting to me from other rooms
5. The pretty chime of email in my inbox (yeah someone loves me! yes... citibank and American Airlines love me a lot... hahaha)

The good things list

Best smells

1. Fireplace smoke in the air
2. Lilacs
3. Old Spice
4. Apple pie baking
5. A warm clean horse