Sunday, March 30, 2008

We really are the Evil Empire

In the morning when I wake up, as many of us I'm sure, I quietly, wander in the land between the conscious and the unconscious. I pay attention to this place because this is where I find out what I'm really thinking about, underneath. I find it interesting to see where my mind goes at this time.

This morning, I was thinking about the systems of our society. I work for a marketing company, have for many years. I've gotten a peak behind the curtain, the vast oceans of money that get poured by companies into trying to figure out how to get inside your head. I think about this side... the politics of governments, the politics of companies. And then I think about the people I know. So many are struggling to get by. My friend posted a terribly sad article about Wal-Mart suing an employee who was devestatingly injured in a car accident -- trying to recover the insurance settlement she won for themselves.

Been watching the HBO series John Adams. Our founding fathers said...
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness."


So it get's me thinking... are we still governed by government? Or are we governed now, instead, by Corporations? It seems to me we are secretly governed by Corporations... and established government has simply become the big dog in the yard. If government is established by the people FOR the people... what is a corporation established for? It's own interests and profit. It seduces the population, brainwashes us into believing we "must" have this that and the other thing... extends us "credit" and then "taxes" us in the form of fees and APR's in a cycle of control that has infiltrated to the core of culture in an intricate web. It has become the feudal lord of the land... it gives most of us our paychecks, determines what those are, then tells us how to spend it. Government, for the most part, is it's mistress, set up in a condo and promoted to a position of power as long as they keep their mouth shut and don't tell the wife. Except the wife knows. She's just powerless to do much about it. Corporate America has become the vampire, sucking us dry, the snake eating it's own tail.

Stories of Corporate greed and abuse have become so rampant as to not even shock us anymore. Stories of morally bereft polititians has become the cliche. Once we lived in tribes. And the tribes, for the most part, took care of their own. Are we a tribe anymore? Are we taking care of our own? Or are the architects of power simply raiding the silver and trying to hijack a ride out of town? If government derives it's power from the consent of the governed, when did I consent to this? Or have they seduced our consent... with lies and false promises and subtle, intricate brainwashing... weaving a web so complex as for it to be near impossible to uncover whom is responsible or what. I feel, somewhere along the line, that we have been robbed of our consent ... without ever realizing it. As that classic line from "The Usual Suspects"...
"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing us he didn't exist".


Of course, our society's citizens live better than other citizens in other societies. The Congo is a dark example. I won't go into that in detail. But when I go to 20,000 feet... it gets me thinking. Is this how human beings govern themselves? We don't seem to be doing a terribly good job of it. But if the society is the macrocosm... what about the microcosm? Am I any better at governing myself? Do I conduct myself in a way that is "for the good of the people"... the people being me? What society am I? Is it perhaps, an ambitious goal to believe that humans are capable of governing themselves in a healthy, harmonious, sustainable way? Am I a product of my society... or is society a product of people just like me?

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Lost and Overwhelmed

Feeling lost and overwhelmed today. Every day lately. So much to do. So little motivation to do it. Worried about the anger that spills out recently. It's not like me, I'm not an angry person. But I think I feel so disillusioned lately. I feel like I keep giving up inches of ground... again and again... until I'm standing on the razor's edge. Is it really this hard? Or is it all in my head?

It's beautiful out.. but cold.

A Matter of Perspective?

Had drinks with my friend C last night. She's of the opinion that I'm in love with my roommate, and that it's not out of the question that he loves me back. The truth is he is my friend, and a man I have great respect, admiration and affection for. He's attractive... and significantly younger than me. In love with him? No. I don't think so. "In love" implies butterflies and obsessive thoughts and lust and all that. I don't feel those things for him. I mean, I should be so lucky to end up with a quality man like him... but actually him? Hmmm. I don't know. But what gives me pause is I've heard this sort of comment from other friends as well who have seen us together. My friend T told me she thinks he "loves me". It was an odd observation coming from her. So I wonder what it is they see? I asked T. She said, just the way you interact, the way he looks at you, pays attention to you.

For my part, I don't see it. I believe, that to look through his eyes, he sees a friend he trusts and cares about. Our friendship is one of mutual respect and we can talk deeply about things, with kindness and understanding. I value it immensely. So I wonder if that is what they see. I dismiss that he would be interested in me... from where I sit, he's young and I'm old... in a word, realistically, he's out of my league. That's not to say I'm not a wonderful, attractive woman with lots to offer. I am. But why would he be interested in a woman 15 years his senior, with an extra 20 lbs. and lots of emotional issues and "baggage"? He's happy enough to share his interest in all the attractive younger women who cross his path with me. And I'm fine with that.

But what makes me scratch my head... is what are these other people seeing? Is it just the ease of genuine respect and affection? Or are those precisely the building blocks of good love and that concept is just so foreign to me, I can't even recognize it when it's right in front of me?

Letter to my colleague that I will never send

I keep trying to find organization with you, keep trying to find balance with you. It’s pointless of course. Everything is always going to go down to the wire. But what makes me angry is that I feel you have no respect for our time, or our limited resources. You are perfectly happy to have us spend 8 solid hours on 4 pages making a proposal “the best thing ever” way above and beyond what is necessary. It’s necessary for me to spend 15 hours working a proposal which should take 4-5 hours because you can’t organize your thoughts before you give it over to us. You schedule our time, then don’t deliver the project when you say you will, forcing me to juggle our schedule all over again.

From where I sit, trying to juggle multiple projects and find the time and resources to service everyone’s account to the best of my ability, to “be creative” on demand with no time to think anything through in an intelligent way. I am expected to “work magic”, but I’m not a magician. In the midst of all this stress, you come in with grand expectations and no regard for creative’s time.

I’ve tried until I’m blue to address these issues with you time and time again. You’ve improved on scheduling, and yet still the frustration persists. You make the argument that everything you do is somehow “special” and that the work should always be first class. While it’s a nice theory, and one I would support on strategically important projects with a reasonable lead time, it’s simply NOT reasonable to make these demands on last minute projects, Nor is it fair to the rest of the company that their projects should suffer so that yours can shine. Especially in light of the fact that they have the respect to conclude their thoughts before engaging our assistance, you do not. They have the respect to schedule their work ahead of time, and allow us sufficient time to return the deliverable. You do not.

The cumulative effect of your work style is that you have exhausted my patience and understanding of your challenges, and have driven me to a place where I am constantly angry and frustrated with you.

This Velvet Glove

I want to taste the taste of
Being face to face with common grace
To meditate on the warmest dream
And when I walk alone I listen
To our secret theme

Disasters are
Just another star
Falling in my yard

John says to live above hell
My will is well

Long to be with
Someone to tell
I love your smell