Had drinks with my friend C last night. She's of the opinion that I'm in love with my roommate, and that it's not out of the question that he loves me back. The truth is he is my friend, and a man I have great respect, admiration and affection for. He's attractive... and significantly younger than me. In love with him? No. I don't think so. "In love" implies butterflies and obsessive thoughts and lust and all that. I don't feel those things for him. I mean, I should be so lucky to end up with a quality man like him... but actually him? Hmmm. I don't know. But what gives me pause is I've heard this sort of comment from other friends as well who have seen us together. My friend T told me she thinks he "loves me". It was an odd observation coming from her. So I wonder what it is they see? I asked T. She said, just the way you interact, the way he looks at you, pays attention to you.
For my part, I don't see it. I believe, that to look through his eyes, he sees a friend he trusts and cares about. Our friendship is one of mutual respect and we can talk deeply about things, with kindness and understanding. I value it immensely. So I wonder if that is what they see. I dismiss that he would be interested in me... from where I sit, he's young and I'm old... in a word, realistically, he's out of my league. That's not to say I'm not a wonderful, attractive woman with lots to offer. I am. But why would he be interested in a woman 15 years his senior, with an extra 20 lbs. and lots of emotional issues and "baggage"? He's happy enough to share his interest in all the attractive younger women who cross his path with me. And I'm fine with that.
But what makes me scratch my head... is what are these other people seeing? Is it just the ease of genuine respect and affection? Or are those precisely the building blocks of good love and that concept is just so foreign to me, I can't even recognize it when it's right in front of me?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment