Last week, a cute guy at Starbucks chatted me up, I gave him my number and he called me. We went out last Thursday night, had a few drinks, had a great time. Last night, we went to the movies. I really wasn't into him at all, my attraction for him was gone. So what exactly happened?
Attraction. Well, Monday when I met him he was wearing a baggy shirt, he'd been golfing in the rain so his hair was kind of tousled. Looked good. When I met him Thursday, he was wearing a nice dress shirt. His hair was gelled, didn't love it but went with it. Last night he was wearing a tight black t-shirt and his hair was gelled... and I thought, oh... Tony Soprano, guido, he's got a serious beer belly going on there. Maybe that's shallow but I've never really been one for beefy guys. The other thing that could be happening is that when we were out Thursday night, we had a few drinks. We got touchy a bit feely, kissed, hugged, etc. When he came over last night, we kissed hello, then went to my computer to choose a movie. He sat down in my office chair and immediately tried to pull me into his lap. My computer is in my bedroom. I didn't feel comfortable with this so I stood up. Perhaps it was moving a bit fast for me. Or perhaps I didn't want to sit in his lap because I didn't feel attracted to him. We went to the movies, but my head wasn't really into the date. I'm in the process of moving, painting all weekend, etc. It had been a really busy weekend. Was I just out of people juice? And this guy was invading my space? Hmmm.
Issues. Is my sudden lack of interest in this guy about attraction, or is it related to my issues? He seems into me, does that scare me? I want to be close to a man. I want a boyfriend in my life. I haven't had a serious "real" relationship in about 5 years. Actually going on 6. Those who know me know what went down 6 years ago. Emotional trauma. I've been trying to move past it ever since. But every time a dating scenario doesn't work out, I can't help but wonder. Is this my brokenness at work again? Is something on some interior level just shutting down? Or am I making too much of it and it's just my gemini nature at work... perhaps I was flattered about being asked out when I wasn't expecting it, and riding that "ego high" and then last night I finally took a look at the guy and went, nope not for me? How does one ever know for sure if it's a case of one's own fear, issues, or just a case of the classic "she's just not that into you?"
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4 comments:
Its not you! I mean, for goodness sake...what ever happened to "building a story of us" with a person you are interested in?! Maybe that's what's wrong with "overt dating", and why so many people prefer just "getting to know" or "friends first"...
In my opinion there's a natural progression of intimacy - mental, emotional, and physical - that goes on with people when they fall in love. Men press for physical intimacy, sure, but they should know (if they have learned anything at all) that getting it right off the bat is anticlimactic. Its one of those you-think-you-want-it-but-you-really-don't things. Especially if something deep down tells you that you like and respect this particular woman...she's not just a "one night girl". And I think the same goes for women. We want to get to know the guy...to get into his head, and get into his heart, and understanding him and feel that feeling of "fit" that comes with emotional and mental intimacy. But getting it all at once? Its kind of like eating an entire cake in one sitting. A little taste is great, and leaves you wanting more...maybe. Too much at once? Ugh. Indigestion!
You guys didn't even know if there was real attraction there to begin with, when he "make a big move". Totally innappropriate/autistic, dude! Attraction is something that you build between you, and something that you should both feel *strongly* before the "move is made". That's how we build a "story of us" that leaves us satisfied, and wanting more at the same time...
I didn't sleep with him, we just kissed. And you know how affectionate I get when I had one too many :-) So maybe I was never really attracted to him I just finally realized it. Or maybe I was tired from a long weekend of work and being out a lot and not into the date. I just worry about myself sometimes. If I'm the one in my own way.
It sounds to me like you got a tad inebriated, and went farther than you really wanted to, and he took that as a sign that the relationship was moving in a physical direction, and you realized that wasn't really what you wanted at all? Is that kinda right?
yeah, that sounds about right. :-)
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