Where is Chevy Chase when you need him?

Daphne Moore, Wal-Mart's corporate communications director, responded in a statement: "This is a very sad case and we understand that people will naturally have an emotional and sympathetic reaction. While the Shank case involves a tragic situation, the reality is that the health plan is required to protect its assets so that it can pay the future claims of other associates and their family members. These plans are funded by associate premiums and company contributions. Any money recovered is returned to the health plan, not to the business. This is done out of fairness to everyone who contributes to and benefits from the plan.

The Supreme Court recently declined to hear an appeal of the case, which concludes all litigation. While Wal-Mart's benefit plan was entitled to more than the amount that remained in the Shank trust, the plan only recovered the funds remaining in that trust," which according to reports amounted to about $277,000. The spokeswoman did not respond specifically to Olbermann's TV battle.

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Dear Daphne,

"This is a very sad case and we understand that people will naturally have an emotional and sympathetic reaction.”

Really? You can understand? It’s natural? Okay then… since you get it, where is your “natural, sympathetic reaction”? Are you not a people too? Am I to understand you are implying this is a trait to be dismissed?

“The reality is that the health plan is required to protect its assets so that it can pay the future claims of other associates and their family members. These plans are funded by associate premiums and company contributions.”

The health plan is required to protect it’s assets? Darling… your people are your assets. Without them, you don’t have the $375 billion in profits* you posted in fiscal 2008. Since your health plan is funded by “associate premiums and company contributions” you might want to consider tapping into that (let me say it again) $375 BILLION in profits BEFORE you try legally raping a brain-damaged, defenseless mother of three… oh no wait, two. That’s right, her son just gave his life in Iraq fighting to protect your “Capitalist” lifestyle. (Dear God, it’s starting to become a bit more apparent why the world hates us.)

“Any money recovered is returned to the health plan, not to the business. This is done out of fairness to everyone who contributes to and benefits from the plan.”

Out of fairness to everyone who contributes to and benefits from the plan? Really? So it’s fair enough for Debbie to contribute to the plan… just not to benefit from it once she desperately needs it? So this is Wal-Mart playing fair?

“While Wal-Mart's benefit plan was entitled to more than the amount that remained in the Shank trust, the plan only recovered the funds remaining in that trust"

Daphne -- you audacious corporate spin slut – did you actually just try to use that PR degree to attempt to point out how gracious and magnanimous you are to “settle” for what’s left in the trust -- rather than going after the whole amount you are “entitled to”? Are you actually trying to justify yourselves and perhaps even seek a little credit here? Excuse me I need some Listerine, I think I just vomited in my mouth a little bit. Oh no, honey, I won’t be buying it at Wal-Mart.

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* http://www.pridedepot.com/modules/wordpress/?p=1648