Romulus, My Father

I read a review of this film that said he couldn’t connect to it emotionally, it didn’t let him in. The only thing I can make of that is this man has led a charmed life and never suffered betrayal or broken dreams. This movie is so poignant in it’s human truth it went straight to the heart of me. There is nothing false about this story at all. 

We meet this immigrant family on a lonely homestead in the backwaters of Austalia. We don’t know what happened to them back in Europe, but it is clear they suffered some sort of hardship and damage. I am guessing that the mother, Christina, suffered from some sort of personality disorder, as is evidenced by the painful emotional toll she takes on all those who love her. She was definitely severely bi-polar, cycling between highs where she wants to laugh and dance and buy clothes and compulsively receive the attentions of men -- and lows of deep and sometimes suicidal depressions that render her incapable of responding even to the cries of her infant daughter. 

Romulus is a good man, in the truest sense of the word. A pillar of strength and rightness, gentle, hardworking, patient, forgiving, uncomplaining. 

One aspect of his the story is the enigmatic truth of how sometimes you just love people, no matter what. No matter how much they hurt you, betray you. They are in your blood. He knew who Christina was before he married her, she had always gone with other men. When she tried to leave him, he tried to kill himself. She would abandon him and their son time and again, and yet he let her return, every time. When she left him to live with his best friend, still he helped her. 

Every dream Romulus dreams for his life turns to turns to dust before his eyes. Yes still he keeps going, keeps trying. One imagines that the move to Australia was in pursuit of the dream of a better life than the one they had known in Europe. And yet country life is far too quiet for the troubled Christina. And Romulus suffers the abandonment and betrayal of his wife. Yet for all the many humiliations she puts him through, after Christina dies, he is deeply heartbroken. Still, after a time, he somehow finds the courage and faith to hope once more.  He invests all time, energy, money and attention to this new dream. And when that dream too is betrayed and shattered, even his infinitely strong spirit finally reaches the limits of it’s tolerance, and breaks too. The greatest tragedy of this film is that Romulus’ deep goodness is ultimately his biggest weakness. 

What makes this film difficult is the sharp contrast of all of these deeply emotional and adult themes witnessed through the eyes of Romulus’ and Christina’s innocent son, who loves both his parents but in his youth cannot possibly begin to understand or reconcile their woundedness. And the adults, while understanding his innocence, and trying their best to shield him from their issues, are not always able to do so.  

Another witness to all of this brokenness is the family’s loyal friend, Hora. Hora does his best to be there for Raimond, whether it is caring for his soul with a book of poetry, taking him canoeing when his father is distant, or looking after him when neither of his parents can. In many ways, Hora is the family’s voice – of truth, of anger, of hope, of compassion. He does his best to be the solid ground for Romulus and Raimond to lean on. For his brother, who is yet another victim of Christina as well. And yet there is only so much Hora can do. But I think he is integral to Raimond’s strength. Without Hora, Raimond might well have become as lost as his parents.